Each of the following topics will be dealt with in its own, dedicated podcast down the line.
Pay close attention… while most of these topics are obvious, a handful of them are not…:
The NFL PLAYOFFS…: I’ll explain how the setup continues to be way out of whack…! …and how to properly adjust it.
I’ll reveal what SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT FACTOR IN TO QUALIFYING… and…
I’ll expose a major part of the problem setup the should be… but isn’t ever talked about!
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I’ll explain why zebra hunting should have no offseason and why burning books is not always a bad thing!
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I’ll shout from the mountaintops that it’s time… it’s BEEN time…! to EMBRACE TECHNOLOGY!
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I’ll tantrum how I’m FOREVER waiting for this common special teams play… that gets blatantly butchered in every way…! every gameday…! to be finally coached and executed the right way! (olay!!)
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I’ll rant about seeing way too much… of the way out-of-style…
‘t’ formation… and how it’s time to banish it forever! …huh?
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I’ll nag about the staggering non-staggering of the Sunday slate of games!
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I’ll challenge anyone to dispute this possibility…:
…that there’s NEVER BEEN EVEN ONE correct spot of a football!!
…yeah, you heard me (or read this) right… and roll your eyes all you want and prepare to have your incomplete comebacks finished for you when I explain…
…then I’ll share a more realistic alternative to the way a football is currently spotted… especially since those stubborn suits continue to be reluctant to embrace technology.
…and here’s a hint: sayonara sticks!
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We all hope for 20/20, but I’ll tell you why 16/16 is(a) perfect vision!
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I’ll tell you why I’m sick of these female sideline reporters! (gasp! oh no he didn’t! …oh yes I did.)
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I’ll be in a hurry-up mode to antagonize and criticize this offensive advance attempt!
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I’ll tell you why the all-too-real…
TANKING…!
…is both a sound business plan and… ABSOLUTELY TOXIC…! AN EMBARRASSMENT OF EPIC PROPORTIONS…! AN INTEGRITY VIOLATION…! A TEAR IN THE LEAGUE’S COMPETITIVE BALANCE FABRIC…! and a GOITER ON THE NECK OF THIS, OR ANY OTHER LEAGUE WHERE IT IS PRACTICED…!
…and I’ll reveal how to once and for all, lop that sucker right off!
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I’ll ask for anyone to fill me in as to why players, aka…:
prized merchandise…
expensive investments…
worried mothers’ sons…
…are left to hobble about the field after an injury! And if you’re all on board, this could result in a league-wide, time & player saving, three word stadium chant!
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Regarding the Super Bowl… I’ll want you all to second this motion that I’ll hammer the owners with… and that is…: to RESIST THE TEMPTATION…! DO NOT…! ATTEMPT…! TO TEMPT THE TEMP…! AGAIN!! You’ve been warned.
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I’ll rant about how this horrifically officiated rule… INTERFERES with every PASSING game!
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I will blast some players… intending to convince them… despite what they may stubbornly think… that they… ARE NOT ENTERTAINERS!
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I’ll tell you why it’s time to toss this totally lame tradition…
…and I’ll offer two superior, yet polar-opposite replacement options!
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I’ll try to keep from gagging as I tell you why you should all throw up at the sight of throwback uniforms!
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I’ll make a most vital comparison that the NFL’s future may depend on…: yup, you guessed it… MARSHMALLOWS vs SKITTLES!
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I’ll warn everyone to protect themselves… vaccinate…! help squash this epidemic…! or else succumb to the dangerously contagious RTJ disease!
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I’ll spend a minute… and maybe a second minute… on why it should be time to band together and watch the NFL kill the clock that keeps tickin’ me off!
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I’m not down with wearing suspenders… but I’ll tell you why suspenders are wearing me down!
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I’ll explain why a garbage rule… makes this a sensible call in a 4th down huddle…: ‘here we go… shanked punt on 1… shanked punt on 1… break!’
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I’ve heard of the hidden ball trick… but I’ve never heard of the hidden head trick…! get it…? no…? just wait for it.
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I’ll expose rampant nonsense in the form of football talk and stamp all of this verbal diarrhea with STFUs!
But I’m so heated, I’ll add another ‘F’ to that… that’s right censors… get ready!
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At the risk of being labeled a mood-killer, I’ll try to put an end to holding hands!
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I will explain why the FieldTurf isn’t always greener on the other side!
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I’ll expose a couple of plays that belong in the bush league… and directly related… I’ll point a specific finger at the ‘Bruce Smith rule’… a rule that has evolved into an unmitigated disaster… and filled with impolite gestures!
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I’ll reveal how all these time-wasting, never-ending lists… no, not like this kind where the order doesn’t matter much… the kind with near baseless, incremental rankings… makes me sad… and brings me to tiers!
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I’ll put a true finish… on a false start!
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Like the Lucy everyone loves did to those grapes… I’ll stomp on this short-sighted philosophy!
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I’ll reveal some serious safety issues that make me cringe every time I witness these difficult-to-watch, grotesque occurrences… that no one ever talks about!
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I’ll compare the seemingly similar… but incredibly opposite… confidence and ego!
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I’ll talk about why it’s time… for a change of plans!
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I will state the case… with premium exceptions… why stadium parking… SHOULD BE FREE!
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I’ll compare today’s players with would be black market golf clubs!
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I’ll tell you why all rookie RBs and Receivers should enter the league with mandatory film study of RB Roger Craig and WR Cris Carter!
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I’ll touch upon the absurdity to spend a cool billion plus on a new stadium… without having a grip on how to keep the stage from being muddy mess!
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I’ll break down why Buddy Ryan’s famous sound bite…: ‘stats are for losers’… is an absolute winner! And as for the flavor-of-the-month, analytics, or as I refer to them: stats on steroids… I’m coming for you too!
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I’ll wanna give the boot to these way overprotected, flopping punters!
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…And on the flip side of flopping… as much as defenders hate to hear this… I’ll try to convince why there can’t be such a thing… as too much protection in the rules for quarterbacks!
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I’ll explain why a mere finger or foot too far… should not result in a do-over!
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I’ll obliterate the ridiculous… draft trade chart!
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I’ll examine the pairing of instant replay challenges and time outs… and how they ain’t got no nothing (triple negative avoids the pitfalls of the double negative!) on harmonious pairings like peanut butter & jelly, cookies and milk and Netflix and chill…! wait, what is that last one…?
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I’ll try and get this illegal block back on the legal side!
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I’ll combine the annual skills challenge… with pink slips for scouts!
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I’ll tell you why I just might… have a right… to be uptight… at the sight… of the upright…sss!
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I will rip to shreds and lambaste the folly that is intentional grounding!
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I’ll reveal the raw materials that formed and fortified the foundation by which the NFL has become so successful… and then I’ll expose the ongoing, pervasive threats…: the long term rot and the relatively new virus that, in conjunction… are chipping away at that supposedly indestructible but absolutely collapsible foundation!
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With comparisons galore, I’ll lament, expose and dissect what I believe to be the 2nd worst rule that I’ve ever come across!
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I’ll expose this horror-in-waiting…: why any game official’s… 40 yard dash time… shuttle run… and quarterbacking skills… can be determining factors in who ends up winning a Super Bowl…!
…let that cringeworthy, pathetic but possible reality sink in for a moment.
And I’ll share how to prevent that potentially catastrophic event… from ever happening…! …assuming, it hasn’t happened already.
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I’ll offer a solution once and for all… when to go for 2… and why the ludicrous, make me wanna gouge my eyes out 2-point charts… that have set math back to pre-abacus days… should have never existed in the first place.
And as a bonus, I’ll tell you the one player who should be practicing long snapping to get back in the fold. And what in the world does that have to do with this 2-point topic…?
…everything!
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I’ll tell you why the newest way to play out overtime… that replaced the mind-numbingly stupid and asinine ‘sudden-death’ overtime… is the same garbage with only a slightly different stench and needs its own sudden death!
And I’ll go back to school to reveal the only fair and optimal way that overtime should be played out!
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…so I’m not done… but I am done for now.
I haven’t addressed all of my rant and rave-worthy topics, and remember…
each topic will get its own, dedicated, tried and true podcast.
And at some point when I’m exhausted after having exhausted all there is for me to expose…
I will cap the 101list… with this…:
I’ll tell you why… it makes sense… to END football as we know it… TODAY!!
…and regardless how much you may love football, and the National Football League… I truly believe most of you will agree.
NFL 101 